The Priest Thanksgiving Massacre 2025 Review

Okay, folks, let’s talk about a movie that has a 3.5 rating on TMDb and a title that sounds like a heavy metal album cover. I’m talking, of course, about The Priest: Thanksgiving Massacre. It dropped onto streaming services back in August of 2025, just in time for… well, nothing. But that’s okay, because horror doesn't need a calendar. It just needs a body count.

Let’s set the scene. A family - because it’s always a family - decides to rent an isolated cabin for Thanksgiving. Now, in horror movie logic, an "isolated cabin" is the real estate equivalent of a "cursed Indian burial ground." It’s a red flag wrapped in a log facade. This particular patch of woodland comes with a side of history: it was the site of a brutal series of murders and, you guessed it, cannibalism. The responsible party was a man of the cloth, a Priest (played by Mark Topping) who apparently didn't take well to people skipping Sunday service.

Here’s the rub. The Priest is dead. He’s buried. He should be six feet under and pushing up daisies. But death, as it turns out, is just a minor inconvenience for someone with a grudge and a taste for drumsticks - human drumsticks, specifically.

The family, bless their hearts, arrives with all the standard-issue obliviousness. We’ve got Tom (Jo Krayer), who I assume is the dad, Cyndy (Liz Soutar) the mom, and a gaggle of kids and relatives including Andi (Holly Higbee), Noah (Brooklyn Ross), and Sara (Dani Thompson). They’re ready for pie, football, and awkward political conversations. Instead, they’re going to get a sermon on mortality.

Now, let’s talk about the director, Steve Lawson. The man knows how to make a low-budget British horror film. He’s basically the King of the Modest Thriller. And The Priest is very much in his wheelhouse. It’s a contained, grimy little shocker that doesn't waste time with nuance. The plot is essentially: people arrive, things get creepy, the Priest shows up with a cleaver, and the menu is set.

The fun here is in the setup. The juxtaposition of Pilgrim hats and blood splatter is a classic. The film leans into the fact that Thanksgiving is already a somewhat morbid holiday - we’re celebrating survival by gorging ourselves. It’s a thin line between a turkey and a human when you’re starving in the woods, apparently.

The acting is exactly what you'd expect from a direct-to-DVD-style fright flick. Jo Krayer and Liz Soutar do their best with the "we should have never come here" dialogue, while the younger cast members are mostly there to scream and run in the right direction. The real standout is Mark Topping as the title character. He brings a suitably unhinged energy to Reverend Fuller, the zombie priest. He's got the sunken eyes, the crusty collar, and the kind of vengeance-fueled demeanor that makes you want to skip church for the rest of your life.

Let’s be real; this isn't The Exorcist. Nobody is going to confuse The Priest for an Oscar contender. But does it scratch that itch for a cheesy, 83-minute, turn-your-brain-off gore-fest? Absolutely. It’s the cinematic equivalent of a bargain-bin Halloween costume. It’s a little frayed, the stitching is off, but it gets the job done.

The film’s biggest strength is its brevity. At 83 minutes, it doesn't overstay its welcome. It gets in, it gets bloody, and it gets out before you really have time to question why nobody thought to just, you know, get back in the car and leave. You'll either be hanging on every hilariously bad decision, or you'll be checking your phone, but you won't be bored.

So, should you watch The Priest: Thanksgiving Massacre? If you’re a horror completist who loves a good slow-burn (or maybe medium-burn) zombie priest flick, then yes. Gather your friends, carve up a pumpkin pie, and enjoy the chaotic nonsense. It’s the perfect movie to throw on in the background while you’re digesting your actual meal, providing the kind of dark, silly entertainment that makes you grateful you’re not on the guest list. Just maybe keep your distance from any handsome, mysterious strangers in the woods offering you a blessedly warm helping of "special" stuffing. You know what? Don't even take the stuffing. Trust me.